Why the change. I can’t tell you any more than the usual working mother. It is the standard complaint of the need for more of a work life balance. As a relatively young 30 something, I expected life to change when I had a baby. I had no idea by how much, nobody does, but I and many of my friends, basked in the knowledge that if we worked hard, put our babies in nursery when they were little and then went back to work, it would get easier when they went to school. For me this has just not been the case.
Everyone is different, but I don’t think I really ‘got’ the baby stage. I didn’t like the sleepless nights, I really disliked the feeding (mine didn’t like milk) and it took hours and hours and hours. I just didn’t really enjoy that stage. I didn’t really mind going back to work. I was lucky to go back 3 days and I thought it would be ok. However now Izzy and Eve are 4 and Lily is 5 they need more from me. They are little people with thoughts, opinions and feelings. They make me laugh, shout, cry and smile in the same 10 minutes. I think they need their Mummy more. I didn’t see this coming and I didn’t expect it. I thought once they went to school, work would return to more of a normality than it was, but I didn’t factor in that whilst nursery is open 7-6 or more if needs be, school finishes mid-way through the afternoon, and when they have finished being educated they are exhausted. After school club every day is too much for my little ones at the moment and they want to come home and read their books at home in the comfort of their own home, or slob out with some tele, particularly on these dark winter nights.
We’ve been lucky that we’ve had an amazing Nanny to help us through the last 5 years, initially because 3 at home with her was cheaper than 3 in nursery, but after that it was because we didn’t think we would cope without her in our life. If I’m honest I’m still not sure we will. But with a husband with a new job further away from home, and the pressures of work mounting something has had to give. I want to be able to drop them off at school and not panic because I’m half an hour later into the office than I wanted to be. I want to be able to pick them up without making a phone call on the way home to a client simply because I didn’t get the chance to do it before I left, and I want to be able to have a day off without worrying about what I haven’t done. As I type this, my work emails are open, its my day off, but I’ve sent 10 emails, and answered two phone calls, and this is what it’s like when I’m working my notice. This pressure isn’t actually my employers doing, they are actually very good, but its the pressure I feel to do the best job.
So I’ve decided to make a change. To focus on my blog Mini Travellers which I love and to start this one; to document the change. To be fair, the article heading probably isn’t quite right. I probably won’t end up being solely a blogger, but if I do that would be fabulous! I sit on two companies boards (and chair one), I do some legal consultancy and will still provide some legal advice but I will do this within school hours and from the comfort of my own home.
I will also try and learn yoga, and I will make more time for running (10k today for the first time in ages). So it is onwards and upwards. From Lawyer to Blogger….